Mono no Aware
by Meg-Li.Ya
Summary: "Beneath each cherry tree, there is a corpse." If only it could be someone else than you. Hibari/OC Collection of Drabble
1. Mono no Aware

_**Mono no aware**_

_She was like a flower._

Long, lush eyelashes rested against soft, pearl-white skin; a gentle, pink blush covered the tender curves of her cheeks and a small, pouty mouth opened but left no sound. Slowly, her body gained movement and beautiful eyes were revealed. They weren't focused, but they were sparkling with life, burning with an energy that made his heart skip a beat.

Her face was like a painted canvas, every inch of her skin seeming more perfect than the other. However, just like a work of art, her face was frozen in that perpetual look of detachment. Detached from the world. From the people. From reality.

But she wasn't a painting; she moved.

Her head moved to the side, she blinked. She was returning to this world, to him.

She had moved, she lived.

"Kyoya…" her voice was hoarse so her soft, thin hand moved to touch her throat, to clear the sound that left her. "How are you?"

He leaned in to touch her face with his lips, letting a moment of tender romance settle in. He held her gently, softly and kept her there, against him for a few minutes. He inhaled her scent deeply; like always, she smelt like the sweet cherry blossoms that she had always loved and forced him to watch with her. This little reminder made all those fond memories come to life, made his heart burst with warmth. He remembered the way she looked as a child or even the way she turned him into the man she was now.

"I'm fine."

It was short, simple and informative. It was typical of him, so typical that her lips finally cracked into a small smile.

"You're always—" she coughed hard, harder and harder, until the blood came out and stained the white shirt he wore. She panicked, lost her composure immediately and began to fuss over the useless cloth. "S-Sorry, your clothes! I-"

He didn't care.

His fingers moved to touch her cheek, to trail down her skin and to wipe her blood away. They finally reached her chin, rising her face to meet his eyes. She had become human again, her cheeks had regained colors, redder with the feeling of shame. She was mortified to be so weak, to have fallen so low, to have become something else than the strong, independent girl she used to be.

But it was fine.

"…Kyoya."

He silenced her with one meaningful look and proceeded to give her the little pills that controlled her life. That kept her alive.

_It was the law of nature._

She sighed. "I'm so tired."

The white capsules were swallowed. She closed her eyes, resting against him. He didn't hold her. He never did. But he knew she was scared. She was scared of dying, of leaving him but she tried to remain distant so it would be easier for him.

_Every flower..._

He stayed silent, trying to remember every little thing that made her what she was; he wanted to keep her in him, to keep that ephemeral existence as his. She was his, from head to toes, from inside out. She was with him, always.

…_withers._


	2. Sakura Introduction

**Author's Note:** _I apologize for not leaving an AN before. I mean, I truthfully don't like the posting system of . - that kinda explains why I don't post much here. I even posted more of this in luna. *coughs* I also have many drabbles pre-written. The only thing that annoys me is... I just hit writer's block. The amusing thing is I know what I can write, I just don't have that um, absence. You know, I just write well when I don't think. The writing is like... I don't know, what I think just controlled my fingers. Okay, the Japanese and its translation comes from online (so I totally dunno if it does mean it). Also, the song's name is Sakura Addiction. I hope you guys like it. I am going to sleep, *yawns*_

_Ah, I forgot to tell you, here, Kyoya has _**Selective Mutism**_.  
><em>

* * *

><p>桜咲く 舞い落ちる 何も無いぼくの手の上<br>The blooming cherry blossom falling into my empty hand

_ "Talk. Kyoya, goddamnit, **talk**!"_

The man's face had tightened into a horrible mask of anger, he was seething as his entire body shook in response of the impatience he had been withholding for years. He shook the boy like a tree, like a puppet, like an idiot he thought he was. In response, the boy held his blankee tighter as he refused to meet the eyes of the desperate man he should be calling father.

The scene was not uncommon, not in this household at least, and like always, the man's companion screamed, jumping onto him and holding his arm in complete misery. She cried, she sobbed, she blamed herself for the failings of her education. She had been strict and told him to talk hundreds of times before. If it had worked, it would have never even reached this point…

_"Stop it! You're scaring him!"_

He wasn't scared. He was just so intimidated. They all wanted him to talk, to open his mouth and let the words he understood so well leave his body, but he couldn't –no, the more accurate word was, he didn't want to. He didn't want to leave his routine, his normal life. He was used to it, he didn't want to see this life broken into pieces.

_"What do you want me to do instead? The doctors said he could talk! He just refuses to!"_

He was happy in this house. He was happy to play with his toys. These people never came anyway, never except to pressure him into talking. He hated them. They were mean, bad. He hated the noise they brought with them and as long as he stayed silent, their noise would go on but leave this place soon enough.

It did. They left as soon as the woman ended running away from the room, breaking down before her husband's accusation. They needed a solution, a way to make the son talk. To break him out of his bubble before the damages became permanent.

_"Let's… let's send him away. The doctor said a change of surrounding could help. Get him some friends to play with. Things like that."_

They told the maid to bring her daughter, a slightly older but energetic and good-tempered girl. She had those cute, amusing pigtails, tied by two pretty and delicious-looking cherry bands. She was immediately awed by the look of his house. It was, indeed – he discovered later on-, much more amazing than her own house.

The first thing she did was look at him with those big, shining eyes of hers and introduced herself with a big, happy smile.

He just glared at her. She was taken aback. Of course she did. She just didn't understand. She had gotten into his routine, his safety cocoon and that was all she found to say? He turned around and left her there. Nobody would get into his life. He was happy alone.

"Are you being a carnivore?"

He stopped. He didn't understand that line. But he hadn't realized his mistake yet. That girl had used that line as a bait to stop him from leaving before latching her arms around him and keeping him with her.

"Yaaay~ Daddy said carnivores are the best and they are always so strong! You totally ignored me because you knew you couldn't eat me, right? Carnivores are the best! Daddy said once he taught me everything with tonfas, I could become a true carnivore and crush any herbivore and make them cower in fear! I am so happy to have found a carnivore friend to share everything with~"

She talked, she talked and she talked. She talked so much that it annoyed him. He ran, he hid, he did everything to get her away from him but she was quicker than him, always catching him before he could even rest. He couldn't make her stop even if he wanted except… well, except if he talked. He didn't want to.

But after days, weeks, even months of this torture, he couldn't take it anymore. He just looked at her in the eye when she ran to him and told her.

_"I hate you."_

And her smile slipped off. She became silent. She stayed in the corner, she played with those sticks she always had in her sports bag. She left him alone.

Finally, he had gained back the silence that made him so comfortable. That day, she smiled and told him with the same gentle, happy tone, "Bye bye, Kyoya~".

Then, she never came back.

儚くて 優しくて 壊れそう きみみたいな花  
>Ephemeral, tender and broken, a flower that is just like you<p> 


	3. Are You Being an Herbivore

Hm. I hope you guys may like it. I am still annoyed by the "should she die or not" issue. I mean, it's a tragedy story. Hence, she should die. But you know, I kinda like her. D; AND HIBARI PLEASE COME BACK~

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><p>いつもの改札を 擦り抜けて行くあの子はそう<br>That child who slips through the gates as usual

Nobody knew that Hibari Kyoya had talked. She had never told anybody he said those horrible three words that broke her little heart into little piece. Instead, she chose to throw herself on her father, crying her eyes out as she yelled she never wanted to go back there again. They had asked for her to explain, to tell them why she was so upset when she had been so happy these last few months and she just kept her silence, crying and crying and crying until they just realized they would never get her to talk.

Oh, the irony.

Their little girl had closed up, becoming much more silent than before and preferring to focus on training with her father than to talk to her friends or play with them. It was not normal for their little bundle of energy. So the two adult agreed to refuse to bring their little girl there anymore. Even their son had gotten concerned over his little sister and asked–_demanded_that his parents reveal the name of the bully that had made her so sad.

It took a full week for her to return to her normal, cheerful self.

However, the Hibari household had also noticed a drastic change in their son's behavior. He often just looked at the door without reason as if expecting someone to suddenly burst in and break the silence of the building. Sometimes, he would just take the blankee and start following the maid — her mother. He had realized that, after so much noise, the entire silence was unusual. It was not… _normal_. He liked it though, he just felt like he was in an alternate dimension.

He didn't talk though. Not until he saw his parents and asked, unhappily.

**"Where is she?"**

He didn't miss her. He didn't like her. He just knew she cared. She cared for what he thought of her. She was so small, so much smaller than he was, so much more fragile inside. With three words, he had made her show that face. A big, sad smile that never quite reached her eyes. One that showed he had broken her heart.

_"No. I won't bring my daughter anymore. She came back crying last time! Crying!"_

"She won't be coming back, Kyoya."

That would have been enough for any other six-year-old. The other six-year-olds would have just thrown a tantrum and forgotten about it a few days later. Unfortunately, he was no regular kid. He never forgot her eyes, her face. He just wanted to run to her and tell her that she was an idiot.

That she was a goddamn "herbivore", like she disliked to be called.

He looked out from the window and he noticed…

He noticed that every day, at the same hour, that girl's father would drive here to pick his wife… and **she ** was here with a **boy**.

He ran, he ran and he ran. He pushed the doors open and ran. Then, he opened his mouth to yell,

**"Are you being an herbivore?"**

輝く目をして 毎日何か掴み取って行くんだ  
>His eyes sparkling as he grabs a hold of something<p> 


	4. Reunite

桜咲く 舞い落ちる 何も無いぼくの手の上  
>The cherry blossoms, it flutters down, on my hand where there is nothing<p>

.

Their eyes met, his determined and flaming, hers uncertain and hesitant. The boy by her side took her by her wrist, saying something to her. She didn't move her eyes away from his and replied something, softly, gently, like the kind-hearted girl she was. Then, she sent him a small smile and waved, just as shyly as she felt.

He took it as a sign he could come closer. He moved, running faster and faster and reached the car. She opened the window and smiled even more happily, her eyes finally gaining a sparkling tint he had seen hundreds of times before.

"You don't even know what that mean!"

She giggled, so happy, so happy she shined with it, burst with that energy of hers. Her hands came out, small, chubby, but slightly roughened by the tonfa she wielded like her father, and she reached out for him. He stared, he stared and he stared, not wanting them on him, not wanting the contact, not wanting to actually come to terms with the fact she had entered his personal bubble, but she insisted, reached out harder, until she could grasp him. Anything. As long as she could touch him, physically reassured herself he didn't hate her, that he actually didn't mind her and her weird personality, she would smile.

And he realized he wanted her to keep that smile. He would have taken a step back, moved away but he stayed rooted on the spot and let her fingers have the briefest contact against his skin. It tingled, it was bizarre but it just felt right. And then, her grin widened further.

"Mommy, can Kyoya come play with me?"

Her mother looked at him, then at her. "Ah, but we have to ask his parents."

She pouted. "But I want to show him the dojo!"

"But—"

She opened the door and took Hibari by the hand. "Come on, Kyoya~"

Her smile was infectious. So infectious that he cracked a small one too.

.

儚くて 優しくて 壊れそう きみみたいな花  
>Fleeting and gentle, I'm afraid it might break, the flower that is just like you.<p> 


	5. Be a Man

ぼくはと言えば 何にも無い毎日繰り返して  
>And as for me, my empty days go on<p>

.

He fell onto the ground, gritting his teeth in pure hatred. His eyes betrayed his feelings but his body remained on the floor, weak and pathetic. He didn't talk, because he couldn't. That boy would hurt him more if he dared to talk, even he knew that much. It wasn't the first time this happened.

"Yeah, that's right. Keep your mouth shut!" Her brother hissed, stepping on his hand. He refused to give into the pain, instead, he just kept his gaze at him, angry and ashamed by his weakness. "You can't even talk to people except when she talks to you. You can't even defend her if someone picks on her.

**_"You're just a frigging herbivore."_**

She and he had grown closer over the years, she always said he was her "best friend" and that he wasn't allowed to be friend with anybody else than her. He went to public school with her, he stuck with her like a shadow. She made him content, she made him talk, she kept him company. She had grown less talkative, growing more sensitive to his feelings and more attentive to his needs. She had developed the sense of right and wrong and became the mediator of many people of her age. She was the peace keeper, the leader. People grew in number around her, looking at her in awe.

But she never paid them much attention. She always came back to him, running to the "bizarre" one, and each time somebody tried to get close to them, he deemed them as unworthy of her company. He made them leave quite easily, his glare being so much more efficient than his words. She came to school with him, in his car, left with him to come to his house.

But her brother didn't like their association. Older than them by five years, he had learned to intimidate him. He would beat him up if he got too close, if she had gotten hurt and at the same time, though his hatred for the older boy grew, he felt like he deserved a little of this beating. Because he hadn't been strong enough to protect her. To save her. Each time, she was the one doing the protecting. With that wide smile of hers, she was the prince of every fairy tale and he was the princess that waited all his life for her.

Even now, once again, she ran to protect him. She ran, pushing her own brother, and screamed wildly, crying for him.

**'Go away.'**

Go away. I can defend myself, he would love to say.

**Go away, I will protect you instead. **

.

冷えた心持ってさ 花開く瞬間探して目を閉じる  
>And with a frozen heart, I close my eyes looking for the moment when the flowers would bloom<p> 


	6. Kamikorosu, I'll bite you to death

汚れたスパイクなら 心の奥に仕舞い込んだ  
>I put away the dirtied spike deep inside my heart<p>

.

_"Kamikorosu,"_ he said, his canines seeming to gleam with the words.

Herbivores. That was what his sensei, her father, called the weaker people. He was a carnivore, he hunted, he preyed on the bigger, more dangerous herbivores. Then, he waited for the perfect moment to hit and lashed out, sinking his teeth into them to crush their bones and end their lives. He would be the perfect hunter, the perfect carnivore, he would bite them all to death.

And he did. Bodies fell down with each swing of his weapons; he was like a dancer in the middle of this crowd, each step more graceful than the other as the color of red began to taint him. His uniform became bloodier and bloodier as his lips curved into a full smile. He felt free, liberated from the cage of his weakness as the tonfa turned into full extension of his body, filling him with raw power.

She sighed, just as bloodied as he was, and ran a hand in her long locks. "You do know this carnivore thing is just an analogy, don't you? I mean, you **are **old enough now to understand that."

He had taken his place in the dojo, learning restlessly to become the best tonfa-wielder in the world. Her father had been pleased by his motivation and immediately started to teach him as much as the young boy could take —meaning, a lot. For now, the only person he could spar with was her since they were almost of the same age, but being much more experienced than him, she had always won so far. That made him mad. So mad. He wanted to spar with her endlessly, until he won, until he could tell her _'I'll protect you from now on'_. But she didn't want to and he still had the time, her father had told him. He would one day beat her if he trained hard enough.

"Hm, Kyoya…" She blushed, pushing her hair back into place. "hm, are you, uh, in love with someone?"

He glanced at her, not fully understanding. Love? That pathetic thing he saw in those movies she loved? The one with the boy becoming all weak and pathetic, begging for a girl's attention as she was shallow and stupidly interested in idiotic things like fashion?

He snorted. "No."

She faked a smile but he could see through her. He always did. But he didn't ask more, she would tell her if it was something important, right?

"Mom said we should go sakura viewing this week-end, wanna go?"

He didn't reply but she knew he would come. So she smiled and hugged him. "Don't ever leave me, Kyoya."

.

「これでいいんだよ」と 過ぎいく春の逃げ道 探してるんだろう  
>You are searching for the the Spring's escape route, saying, "This is good enough." aren't you?<p> 


	7. Sakura no Hanami

春が来る咲き誇る グランドが風に揺れる  
>. The spring comes, blossoms and prides, the ground sways by the wind . <p>

She had an unhealthy obsession with those pink flowers. She loved the cherries, liking them in every little pastry she ate. She loved the flowers, buying any kind of cosmetics with the label "cherry blossoms" in it. She wore yukata with them as ornaments. All her accessories had them in embellishment. She just plainly loved them as much, if not more, as she loved him.

But as he stared at her, looking at those cherry blossoms with those big, sparkling eyes, he knew he could hate the flowers as much as he wanted, he would always thank them for existing.

"Kyoya!" She smiled widely. "Let's come here every year!"

"Not interested." Though he said that, she knew he would come.

And so, every year, they came to the same spot, eating and laughing. Sometimes, the morning so they could be alone like she wanted and enjoyed the peaceful atmosphere. She would fall asleep, he would too and they would end up skipping class. Other times, they came with her parents and brother, eating together in a familial moment. He never did realize he had entered the family circle, but he did notice she was the only thing that kept him in line, that kept him sane and healthy. She made him go to school (even if he only respected his own rules), she made him talk, she made him amused and content with life. He wanted more strength, more power, he wanted to be feared so they would fear to hurt her. She was just like those pink blossoms, soft and fragile. She was good natured, but she would often fight with her protective brother. Her brother saw her as a princess, one that needed protection and power.

She did need it. But the way her brother ensured it made her mad, mad and madder. She hated his forcefulness, she preferred her crush's quiet and gentle ways. So she sobbed, angry at him, angry at herself, angry at everything and Kyoya let her be and simply sit behind her, back against back. He didn't talk, he never talk much anyway, but she would relish into the little warmth he gave her.

This time, her crying didn't calm down, instead, she cried harder. She wasn't sure if it was because he didn't love her back or because his tender presence made her fall for him harder but even so, she was glad he was here. Finally, after a lot of sobbing, she calmed down enough to talk in her coarse, saddened voice.

"…My brother is an idiot anyway. Why do I have to join the Disciplinary Committee? I barely got enrolled into Namimori."

He let her complain, he let her talk, he simply looked at the moon and waited for her to calm down. Her brother hadn't understood him yet. He didn't need to. He would be a Namimori student too and he would be sure to be by her side, protecting Namimori…

And her. 

踏みしめて 泣き出した 溢れそう きみみたいな花  
>. Stepped on firmly, burst out crying, looks like it might overflow, the flower that is just like you .<p> 


	8. The Legend

She was popular. She had always been popular. Nobody had dared to make a move though, because her brother was in his last year and had fully warned all the male population that if he saw any boy get too close to her, he would cut them open and pull out their insides to strangle them with it. This kind of warning had been a chance for Kyoya. That meant she had no other friend than girls and he could stay away from the crowd without being concerned about her safety.

But that changed in second year. The first person to hit on her was a certain Tetsuya Kusakabe, who 'under her brother's orders' had to look out for her. She had smiled and called him gently, "Tetsu-san". Heh. He had been more than merciless on the poor boy. He hadn't stopped until he had made sure some of his bones were broken. But that hadn't been the end of it. It seemed as if she had that kind of power that made almost every male in the population **look** at her, even **greet her** with a smile. He hated that. So he took his frustration out on delinquents. It didn't take long for people to call him "the Demon of Namimori", but that wasn't enough. They just knew he was powerful, they just didn't get that they had to stay away from her.

No herbivore was allowed to prey on her.

"Hm, Kyoya, let's go! I want to eat some hamburgers." She smiled and smiled and smiled. And he kept feeling like these idiotic herbivores were looking at her, preying on her, wanting to attack the glorious carnivore she was. "I don't know if we should ask Tetsu-san and his friends to come. They said a lot of delinquents had been going around lately…"

He needed more power, more power and even more power. He needed to keep Namimori free of these herbivores. What could he do? What did he need to do?

"Also, they asked me if I knew anybody to take my brother's place as the leader of the committee." She huffed a little. "They said if I took the place, everybody would question my authority because I was a girl! Pfff~"

The next day, he had gone to the committee's room. Each step had resounded in his ears as if his own body knew the importance of the ordeal, of what he was going to do. His entire body trembled in anticipation, his lips curled into a smirk and as he opened the door of that room, turning a new page in Namimori's history.

The legend of Hibari Kyoya. 

くして諦めたボール  
>見つけてくれたのはきみでした<br>The ball I lost and gave up on... The one who found it for me, it was you wasn't it?


	9. The Beginning

此処に在る忘れ物 取りに来たぼくの手の上  
>I have come, to retrieve the lost article that is here, on my hand <p>

"[Name]-hime, please let me take this from you!"

She twitched. Ever since Hibari had taken over the Disciplinary Committee, people had started to treat her like she was made of glass. The worst was he encouraged that kind of behavior as he, himself, took care of her in his own, weird way. The prefects were nice, even nicer than when her brother had been the leader and they insisted more than often to help her out. Once again, the pile of handout was taken over by the group of prefects and brought back to the teacher office.

"…You guys are looking for a beating."

She swore he was making her way too violent. She was thankful at first that he made it easier for her to do both her prefect and student work but it had gotten way out of hand. The students had begun to fear her and if they didn't, they simply badmouthed her.

They all froze up as she began to cackle evilly. "You really want to make me feel useless, don't you?"

She took out her tonfas and it didn't feel right. She beat them, one by one, the blood came out flying and tainting her red. None of them dared to raise their hands against her, not when he valued her so much. One grabbed her from behind, yelling at the others, "Run!"

And just like that, before she even realized it, the feeling became a sharp pain. Her hands tensed up, her limbs grew too heavy for her and their extension left her, falling onto the floor like useless parts of her.

She looked at her arms, uncertain. The feeling had disappeared.

It was nothing.

Right? 

儚くて 優しくて 壊れそう きみみたいな花  
>Fleeting and gentle, I'm afraid it might break, this flower that is just like you.<p>


	10. My Heart is Tearing

Every few months, I get a notification of someone favoriting/following this so I figured I'd just dump all the rest of the story. =P

Hate my angsty story~with EXTREME PASSION.

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><p>咲かせよう 桜が舞い降りて<br>Let's make the cherry blossoms bloom and fall  
>弱い自分から抜け出せる<br>I can escape my weak self

.

He liked her. He never actually did realized it. He just knew he enjoyed being with her, not quite attached together yet still joined at the hip. He trusted her to watch his back like she did for him. It was a relation based on faith, on mutual understanding. They never needed to talk too much to each other, they just knew. He knew she liked him, she knew she could depend on him. He knew she was gentle, fragile and she knew he was strong, reliable. He knew she was his princess and she knew he was her knight.

But slowly, a gap began to form between them. He did not realize it. She did.

He thought she understood. She didn't. She never did quite understand him. She was always lost, always looking for answers on his impassible face. She still remembered how easily he had looked at her and told her with that same cold expression "I hate you". She had acted like she understood him with a big, happy smile, not wanting him to do it again. To hurt her again.

But she had begun to resent how he never seemed to understand she loved him, how no matter how much she embraced him as he was he never seemed to make her more than a tolerable partner. She was a fool and she knew it. Pain was unavoidable with him.

She started to draw a distance between him and her. She started to keep secrets from him.

He was a creature of power, authority. He created order through force, making people tremble with the simplest meeting of his eyes. Where he went, silence and fear followed. He did not hear the contempt of the mob, he did not feel the anger that rose within them. He just raised himself higher and higher in the hierarchy, growing more powerful with each second. He was himself. He was true. He was everything he wanted to be. He was her love.

But she became a creature of society, gaining her status not through her tonfa but with her smile and lies. She was deceitful, crafty. She was pretty, girly. She was herself, yet another. Her slow, sly smiles were there to instill trust and her calculated, manipulative lies were for her tranquility. She moved and touched the people around her, helping and protecting with the simple red band around her arm. She was the untouchable Committee member. She was his love.

"Justice cannot be respected without Power. But Power cannot rule forever… **Power runs out**. That's why... if Power wants to be, he has to pass off as Justice."

"…Why are you saying that, [Name]-san?"

She smiled. "**Because I am Justice**."

She never did try to overthrow him but he had known all along. He had realized her how she pushed him away. He was smarter. He was smarter than she was and they both knew. He could have tried to stop her from gathering so much support, he could have confronted her about her resentful campaign, he could have just hurt her for betraying his truth. She could have pushed him off his seat for his violence, she could have overthrown him for his injustice, she could have just fought him for recognition and fame. But they both didn't, as if knowing well this would have been the point of no return. As if doing it would be the climax of their fears where finally they would both get heartbroken.

"Kyoya."

She never lied to herself about it. She loved him and he didn't love her back.

He had never noticed how weak she was inside. He had never seen her insecurities until now.

She smiled sadly. He had let down his guard. He always did when with her.

"Kyoya, fight me."

**"No."**

He refused her for the first time. He refused her because she wasn't normal. He refused her because he knew her too well. If he fought and won, she would pull out of his life. If he fought and let her win, she would just do the same. She was being stupid. He hadn't learned to fight for that. He hadn't.

He had learned to fight so he would never be pressured into doing anything again, so nobody could yell at him again, forcing him to do anything he disliked to. He had learned to fight so he could protect her from anything.

Even herself.

She hit him. He didn't dodge.

"**Fight me.**"

"You're an idiot."

She was. She didn't even know why she was insisting, what she hoped to get out of this. She just knew she needed it. She needed this fight. She needed him to fight her.

"**Fight me.**"

"**No.**"

He looked at her. She wasn't the sun, she wasn't blinding and shining. She was an earthy being, **bound** by the rules of the world. She was imperfect. She was like a bud, slowly reaching out to become a full bloomed flower.

She looked at him. She saw a cloud in the sky, free to be and free to rise. She saw his freedom, she saw possibilities. He was, he would be. He existed, he would always exist. In the darkness. In the light. In her head.

Tears poured out of her eyes.

_Kyoya, what if I was an herbivore all along?_

In her** heart**.

.

涙の音奏でる旋律を歌う  
>I'll sing a melody with the sound of tears<p> 


	11. Lie To Me

EXTREMU RABU

* * *

><p>会いたくて 恋しくて 離れて<br>I want to see you, I miss you, we're apart

. 

After his refusal, she had stormed out of the school and walked out of his daily life. She had stopped coming to school. She had grown reckless. She had taken rounds in school time, outside, in the streets, anywhere. She had become a real fighting machine, looking for more and more fights and she came back to her house, covered in wounds and blood. Her parents had grown worried, her brother had gotten irritated and in return, he had become much more short-tempered.

The prefects often arrived after her, her covered in blood and her opponents laying by her feet like a mountain of corpses. They didn't dare to touch her, didn't dare to stop her. They came to him, they asked him to stop her, but he had grown just as wild as she was.

He had missed her, he had missed her laughing, studying, chastising him. She had just stopped coming with him, to him and she just avoided him altogether. He hated that. He hated it all. Namimori was her palace, the place that protected her from any harm, but she had turned her back against it. He wanted his answers, he wanted her to tell him everything. Why had she done that?

When he saw her, he understood. She wasn't out for blood, she was shaking, her eyes burning with an unexpected fear, with weakness.

"Kyoya," she whispered, her voice trembling with fear. "It doesn't feel right. It really doesn't."

She simply leaped into his arms, her tears burning against his shirt, burning holes into his heart. She held him tightly, until he couldn't breathe and he couldn't keep her away from him.

"**No matter how many people I fight, it just feels wrong**."

.

あの日はもうこない  
>That day will never come again<p> 


	12. The Fall

Nya. I realized that with all those drabbles I've written... my opinion on Hibari had changed. Which is pretty funny because I mean, his characterization is kinda... WEIRD. I don't know if it could actually count as canon or not, since it's pretty much an interpretation, a creation of an unknown background to a character who has not reveal all his personality to the manga-reader. Yet, nevertheless, I feel that nostalgia come into my chest when I look at my writing. It feels as if I've tainted my image of him. He isn't the bad, violent and incoherent character in my mind anymore. He is a misunderstood, tender man who cannot seem to express himself differently than through power and violence. I mean, he was such a PERFECT BDSM MATERIAL. *tonfa'd*

NOW HE IS JUST A LOVELY MAN I WANT TO KISS AND HUGGLE AND GLOMP AND... *runs from deadly tonfa attacks*

* * *

><p>会いたくて 恋しくて 離れて<br>I want to see you, I miss you, we're apart  
>あの日の笑顔が舞い散って<br>That day's smiles flutter to the ground

.

She had lost. She had lost and she had smiled, the happy, content smile she used to have. His heart clenched and his hand, slowly, gently, reached to touch her face, his fingers trailing against her skin until it touched her lips. He caressed them with tenderness, like he cared for her. Then, as if he realized he did it, he pulled back, scowling.

**"Stop being so reckless. You're sick."**

She laughed, she laughed so hard and so lightheartedly that he found himself staring. She was laughing and crying, laughing because she finally realized everything she thought was true and crying because she was dying, for real. This fight, this last fight, had been her own goodbye to him. To have this last, beautiful memory engraved in her heart and in her memories.

"I promise, I won't do anything stupid again."

She took the promise seriously, never again did she fight. She stayed in the Disciplinary Committee Office, the Reception Room, after he came to pick her up from therapy and continued her prefect duties but this time, in PR. He was not one for talking, she, however, was one with an angelic face and a hardened heart. She made sure a part of his colossal pocket money —his parents were indeed quite good as political figures–would secure their position in the school and the city and used the Committee to make sure some important figures would be in her debt. (It was funny to see how hard it was for politicians to get rid of problematic people~) She also let Kusakabe take care of the smaller matters, making sure to keep the most important things to herself. She had, after all, to make sure she would only fight the wars worth her** time**. It wasn't fully an innocent move, she admitted, it was her way to prepare him for the future, to start giving him a glimpse of what he would have to do and how. The prefect was quick to pick up as she expected and she was happy to see he would have a good second-in-command. He had so little people he could rely on…

When he would come back tired, she would make him some tea, be the perfect sweet home angel and kiss him tenderly on the cheek. Then, he would drink it and he would look at her with his deep, blue eyes until tiredness got the better of him. She would not leave, finding herself staring at him for hours. He was so magnificent and gentle, she could feel her heart clench in want, in desire, in greed. She wanted him as a whole, with him touching her endlessly, kissing her until her lips grew swollen and loving her until she died. She had never kissed him on the lips after **that** incident, never even tried to hold his hand nor had he done anything. She hadn't dared to, she had already forced him into this, she couldn't force him to do more. She didn't have the heart to. She had abused of his kindness so much already.

He didn't love her, but it was alright. She was so good at lying to herself, one more couldn't hurt much more.

He, contrarily to her beliefs, was slowly learning what love was. He already knew it, he just didn't know it was what it was. He had always associated it to so many things before, it was hard for him to fully separate the feeling and put a name on it. He had called it annoyance, he had called it indifference, he had even called it a companionship. She had been the only one that had actually been accepted into his life so he had nothing to compare her to. It was so different, so… _hurtful_.

He scowled. He growled. He beat someone. He had always been smart. He had already graduated from high school, just like his parents had requested years ago. He had done so much, achieved so much, but he had never gotten a grasp of his own feelings. He read people so easily. Why was it so hard for him to get such an answer?

"Kyoya, are you alright?"

His chest throbbed. She was smaller and smaller, her muscles seeming to shrink every passing second. The last time her legs had gave out, he had picked her up and felt how_ light _she had become. She used to be heavier, healthier and livelier. Now, she seemed so fragile, even more fragile than before. It seemed that if he even dared to touch her, she would break. It was actually scary. It was scary to see her weaken before him, to see her powerlessness take over the best of her. Not so long ago, she had hyperventilated and he had found himself rooted on the spot, unable to even pick the medicine she wanted, needed. The full consequences of her disease had struck him, he had imagined her dying. He had seen her dying. He had dreamt of her dying. She would always be under that sakura tree they visited, bleeding from every orifice and, slowly, her blood would drip onto the falling petals, coloring the world with that crimson color.

Her cold hand came to touch his face. He quivered for a second.

"Kyoya?"

Desperately, fearfully, he grabbed her wrist and squeezed, keeping the contact with her skin. She moved, gently, softly and gracefully, and put her arms around him. He let her, he released her. He allowed her to do as she pleased, relinquishing all the power he had to her. She wouldn't hurt him, she never did.

She kissed his forehead, she kissed his eyelids, she worshiped every part of his face but his lips, her hands gliding against his skin to hold his head in place. She leaned in, straddling him, and breathed in, deeply, soft, happily. She savored the closeness, the moment, the intimacy. She was so close, yet so far. She struggled, fought against herself, she wanted to kiss him, love him and cherish him so badly. It was so cruel. So, so cruel. To have him so close to herself and to have him so far from her heart.

He felt her tears drop. He heard them drop. Like tons of times before, he heard her leave before he could open his eyes. He heard her run to her refuge, run to hide her weaknesses and run as far as her body still could. It wouldn't take him long to catch her if he tried. Her lung capacity had diminished so much. Her strength had diminished so much. Her own body had betrayed her so much. But he didn't. He respected her too much to break into it. He respected her feelings too much to do that.

But at the same time, he couldn't stop his feet. He followed her and leaned against the door, listening to her sobs. Each sound, each sniffling, each hiccup shattered his heart.

He was optimistic because one of them had to be.

.

いつまでもと誓った君はもういない  
>You promised it would last forever but you're not here anymore<br>叶うなら桜が舞い降りる 来年の今も  
>If my wish comes true then cherry blossoms will fall again next year<br>肩並べ写真でも撮りたいな あの日はもうこない  
>I want to take a photo side by side, that day will never come again<p> 


	13. Time Is Running Out

会いたい 見えない 手のひら  
>I want to see you, I can't see what's in my palm<br>ほら？花びら空に光る星が  
>See? A petal, the stars that shine in the sky<br>傷口をつつくんだ  
>Just poke at my wounds<p>

.

He fought for Namimori, he fought for her, yet he lost. He hated those damn pink blossoms like he hated that damn doctor. He had refused to heal her, he had told him she would die and that he wouldn't do a favor to him. That she was a lost cause. He gritted his teeth, angry at his own weakness, angry at the world for wanting to take her away and angry at this man that targeted all his students… He wanted her safe, he wanted her in peace and as he looked into that illusionist's eyes, wanting him **dead**.

"Are you thinking how did he know about my weakness to sakura?"

And right before his eyes, he saw her. Her gentle smile, her sparkling eyes and her loving heart. That disgusting herbivore showed him the only person he wanted to protect more than anything in the world. His own chest clenched as he forced his body to stand up.

"Let's continue. And later on, I'll show you again, her, crying tears of blood."

His eyes glinted with unspoken rage. She was his and even if this was the last thing he would be doing in his life, he would protect what was his.

She felt something was wrong. She had been secluded in the room, surrounded by his lackey and ordered to stay inside. For _days_. Tetsuya Kusakabe was nowhere to be seen and so was him. She had been _screaming, ordering_ and _**demanding**_ an answer, but they kept their mouth shut, telling her that everything was fine, that everything would be fine. She hated that, she hated that weakness that had discredited her authority.

She would have answers, even if she had to use her body to get through them, she would. She had lost some of her muscles, she had lost some of her power, but she was strong, she had more willpower than the people before her together. She moved to her room, taking out the long-forgotten tonfas. They felt unfamiliar, unnatural, as if they had been cut off from her ever since that disease struck her. But she would adapt, she knew she could make it up. What she lacked in strength now, she could compensate with her brain.

"Move away… or **die**."

What she lacked in tactics, she would make it up with her determination.

_"[Name]-hime! Please don't do this! Hibari-sama is fine!"_

She screamed out, her anger and impatience thickening with each passing minute, and she hit, she fought, she punched. She hadn't realized that her own power had diminished **so much**. They had thrown her back to the room so easily. But this time, nobody was in the room anymore. She looked through the window, considering the option of jumping from here.

"You're going to die if you jump from here."

She laughed hollowly, not even bothering to look at the person next to her. It was not even something new. "I'm going to die anyway. I may as well die trying to do something."

"Then maybe, you would be interested in hearing me out."

Her eyes met those of a baby then, there was a gunshot.

**"Hey, Kyoya, do you think… you'll ever love someone?"**

.

もう恋なんてしないよ  
>What I wanted to tell you the most<br>君に一番言いたかった  
>Was that I'd never fall in love again<p> 


	14. Dying Will

会いたくて 恋しくて 離れて  
>I want to see you, I miss you, we're apart<br>あの日の笑顔が舞い散って  
>That day's smiles flutter to the ground<p>

.

Dying will, that was how they called the will to achieve any regret you had in life if shot by this bullet. By the very definition of human life, there would always be regrets. In her case, her dying will made her run, run faster than she ever did, run faster to the love of her life, run faster to do the biggest thing she would regret if she did die today. She had grabbed the barely conscious prefect and yelled, screaming and crying, saying all those words that had stayed in her heart so long. They all came out as flaws, angry remarks that she had always wanted to tell him.

(You're an idiotic, stupid, arrogant and violent child!)

She had kept so many things in her heart, all her insecurities having found their way deep inside and letting a strong, extraverted persona out instead. But they were still here, haunting her day and night, gawking at her until she thought she would go mad with them.

(You told me you hated me when we were kids, did you mean it? Do you still do?)

But then, she broke. She sobbed, reminding him of all those nights where she would lock herself up in her room to cry. She touched his face, with kindness, gentleness, tenderness. She kissed him with desperate passion as if she didn't kiss him now, she would die. She held her heart in her hand and she asked him the biggest question in her life.

(Do you love me?) 

She held him by his tie and pulled, as if to tell him she would kill him if he didn't answer. She held him so tightly he thought his battered body would break even more under her. But it was how it worked between them. She had him wrapped around her little finger and he would stay there, willing to go through all the obstacles to prove his love to her. To him, letting her control him was the way he expressed his love. He, who would never let anybody —even his parents–manage him, would allow her to be his sky, his queen. But she didn't understand. She was so fragile. She was like a wilting flower, fighting with her dying breathe now.

(You're breaking me.)

She held him so tight. Her tears hadn't stopped but the flame on her forehead had been extinguished. She panted, hardly breathing as she said her last words.

**(I have fallen for you, Kyoya, since the first time we met.)**

.

いつまでもと誓った君はもういない  
>You promised it would last forever but you're not here anymore<br>叶うなら桜が舞い降りる 来年の今も  
>If my wish comes true then cherry blossoms will fall again next year<br>肩並べ写真でも撮りたいな あの日はもうこない  
>I want to take a photo side by side, that day will never come again<p> 


	15. Death Is Inevitable

"Dying is a part of living - a natural progression. Should I ignore the natural order of my life, twist it to MY liking and thereby become something I was not meant to be?"  
>- Charles de Lint, The Little Country<p>

* * *

><p>会いたい 見えない 手のひら<br>I want to see you, I can't see what's in my palm  
>ほら？花びら空に光る星が<br>See? A petal, the stars that shine in the sky  
>傷口をつつくんだ<br>Just poke at my wounds

.

Long, tangled hair followed the curve of a thin, frail back to touch the cold water of the bath. Dull, red and swollen eyes stared at the ceiling, unmoving. The only sound in the bathroom was the sound of her breathing, the only thing that still proved she was alive. She couldn't get out of this nightmare just like she couldn't get out of the bathtub. Her legs didn't want to listen to her, stubbornly laying as if dead. She had not bothered to scream for help, she was way too ashamed of the situation to do so. He would have seen her naked, skeletal body. He would have seen how ugly and frail she had become. He would have seen her uncovered and weak persona, the one she tried so hard to hide so she could stay by his side one more day. She breathed in, breathed out, thinking for a second about dying. It would have been easy. She would just have to lay down, let the water cover her completely and sleep.

She was tired. So tired. So, so tired. 

But he wouldn't let her be. He knocked once, twice, at first gently, then with more force, more urgency. She knew it simply meant he was growing reckless, worrying over her like he always did. He may have thought she had slipped and drowned. Sometimes, it amused her so much that she purposely waited for him to break into the bathroom to rescue her. He would always scowl when she did that, not liking the way she played him for her own amusement, but he didn't retaliate. He was so scared of hurting her. Yet, now that she did need the rescuing, it didn't feel so amusing anymore.

**"Get out."**

Simple, direct. She had half-expected him to add a "or I'll bite you to death" behind it, but she knew fully he wouldn't say such a threat if he didn't mean to do it. He was visibly concerned, his tone betraying his impatience. It was the first time he had waited so long to reach this point. It may have been because of she had cried wolf so many times before. She ignored his order, she couldn't do it anyway. So she waited, tired, spent. She was just waiting for something to happen, just so she could feel alive. He broke into the room. He had expected her to be clothed, smiling and laughing when he came in. Instead, he found her still sitting in the tub, looking as lost as he was. She turned her head, her unfocused eyes barely taking his presence in.

"Don't look at me."

He ignored her request. He approached her, he hugged her, he smelled her. He needed to feel her. He had been selfish, he had wanted her alive, he had stolen her from her own family. He stole her from her right to die fast and brought into this saddened, blackened future. She had been laughing, bringing a single ray of sunshine into his life. Yet, he knew she was still sick and probably confused, but the way she acted —as if everything was just like it was supposed to be, like they were still young and happy together– made him unable to let go. He was stalling, he was selfish, he just wanted her. He kissed her forehead, he kissed her face, he kissed her ears and he whispered what she desperately had wanted to hear years ago, before she realized she was sick.

**"I love you."**

It was unfair. How could she not be touched to hear him say it? It felt good, it felt delightful, so pleasant to her ears that she thought it might be a dream. The man she loved would have never said that. Yet, it still felt good, so sinfully good, even it was a dream . She brought him closer, holding him against herself as she cried, softly, desperately, hoping for a moment of solace — an instant where the sickness would disappear and she would be marrying him. She eased against him, inhaling his spicy scent and kissed the corner of his mouth. She covered his eyes, covered the sight of her disgusting self and kissed him deeper, fully hoping to get one, unforgettable kiss. Then, she pulled back, staring at this man before her and asked, smiling.

"…I'm dead, aren't I?"

And then, right before his eyes, she stopped breathing. He panicked, he screamed for Tetsuya, for help, for the hospital. He went into the car, saw them put her through intubation and he prayed, his beautiful eyes darkening with intense fear. He was a lost man, he was a sinner, he was the devil. He would give up his justice, his faith, his kindness for one more day with her, he would fall into sin, commit the worst of the worst to hold her one more moment, he would damn himself, pay any price to have by his side… one more instant.

But she had been stupid. She should have gone to the hospital much earlier, when he was resting because of his own injuries, but she had forced herself to be by his side and see him through healing. At the same time, there had been this little devil, hiding behind her shoulder telling her that she wanted to die, sooner, faster, happier. The longer she stayed alive in this misery, the harder and darker she felt herself become. She hated what she was becoming: a weak, pathetic, leeching herbivore. Her only regret had been not being able to hear him say "I love you" or to even feel his love for her.

But she was tired. So tired. So, so tired. 

He waited before the ER, waiting for better news, waiting for bright answers in this darkening life. He paced back and forth, his impatience thinning and his anger, his bitterness got a hold of him. He hit, he punished, he made his entire committee pray harder for their princess' survival. He had been human, he was human, but he was on his way to become a demon. Hibari Kyoya had never been so dark and truthfully, they hoped he would never be. She would be okay, that was what Tetsuya told him, but she wouldn't be. He knew it. She would never be okay, ever again. She had become sadder, colder, darker. He hadn't been able to make her understand he loved her, even now. Even now, she doubted his words. Heavens, to her, that was the only place he could tell her** he loved her**.

It hurt him. It hurt her. It hurt both of them. This coming back and forth between real life and hospital, this back and forth between life and death, this back and forth between reality and hopes. Real life was cruel, reality was cruel, life itself was cruel. She was just a victim, he was just a victim. But victim of what? Life? Love? Pain? There was nothing to live for if there were no love, no pain. But this timing, these events, they were just killing them. Both of them.

And she was tired. So tired. So, so tired. 

The white coats appeared. Their voices were even, laced with politeness and courtesy, yet they were mouthing disgusting words. (_We did everything we could, she just couldn't make it._) And he hurt, he felt so much pain, so much sadness, so much hatred. He lashed out, he took out his tonfas and hit them. All of them. Why were they alive? Why were they here? Why would they be when she could not? They did not deserve to live if she could not.

**Life did not deserve to be experienced without her smile.**

.

もう恋なんてしないよ  
>What I wanted to tell you the most<br>君に一番言いたかった  
>Was that I'd never fall in love again<p> 


	16. Alternate Ending

Tsunayoshi Sanada was no genius, but even he could tell what the girl meant to the prefect. After his fight with Mukuro, after the girl's dying will flame had disappeared, he had covered her half-naked body with his vest and stubbornly carried her in his arms even though his body was suffering from many injuries. He had even hit Takeshi for even suggesting taking over, not even bothering to answer a simple "no"...

If after that, he couldn't take a clue, he truly was blind.

Reborn had declared loudly to the Vongola team that the girl was, had been, the prefect's best friend and probably, lover. She was suffering from an incurable disease that had caused her health to decline rapidly, going as far as to make her unable to attend class even though she was always in the school.

It seemed almost eerie to imagine how much power she had over Hibari, because listening to Reborn talk about her made him feel like Hibari had a side nobody had never known. A _human_ side.

_"And now, she had disappeared."_

Though the doctors had claimed she died, the body was missing.

_"It's a pity. She would have made an excellent addition to the familia."_

But that didn't mean Hibari Kyoya had given up.

* * *

><p>Okay. This is actually the alternate ending v2. The sequel may come out, or not, on depending on how Mono no Aware is appreciated. If it does come out, the title will be "Saigo no chansu", the Last Chance.<p> 


End file.
